from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
BRING THE BAGELS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
