Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
