if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
