I need help removing her.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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