Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
