My girlfriend figured out who you are.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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