The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
