I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is the high leading the old right now
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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