im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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