Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
