He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
