Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
