I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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