Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
