so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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