I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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