just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
