he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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