I bet he comes in French.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
