I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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