Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
