i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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