Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
