you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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