I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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