last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
