Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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