So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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