Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
