What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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