Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize