my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
