The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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