Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
