I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
