The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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