he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
