Whod you bang
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
