matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
