Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
