I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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