I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
