I could make wine with my vomit
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
