Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
