white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
