thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
