and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
