he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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