When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
