So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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