I got chris browned last night
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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