dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize