I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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