I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
