she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
