I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
