I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
