She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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