we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
