I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
