Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
