I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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