I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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