6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
