I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
