I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
