I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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