the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Green mimosas i think yes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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