i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize