Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize