There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
