So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
