I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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