I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
