ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
