They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We are all done wearing pants today
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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