Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
