Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
