I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
